Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Taking Care of #1

So for over two months I have been fighting feelings. Those who know me would tell you that I am a sincere person who is passionate about taking care of people and caring about others. I have even been known to speak out and get myself in trouble by making certain things are fair and trying to have the world function with truth and not politics, and people being honest and not playing games.
I have been worrying about my staff and feeling very disconnected from them because we are going twice the speed of light and never see each other, let alone collect any synergy from each other. I worry about the budget, cuts and contracts, and making certain staff has adequate time to prepare and do the job they are capable of doing for our schools.
Meantime, I haven't taken time to exercise! Now those of you who started this blog with me know that I have been a proponent of exercise since before the band. I know it is the only way that I can maintain good health, alleviate stress, and even hope to lose those extra pounds of fat. I was so committed to taking care of myself and making certain I exercised regularly. Well, that has gone out the window. It was pointed out to me today that has been my choice. I have chosen to allow other things to take the time away from taking time to exercise each day. Guess what? That is the truth!
With the risk of being philosophical, I have spent my entire life putting others before me. I admitted today that my personal opinion of myself has always been based on what others think. I have been a people pleaser for 62 years. I tried to be a perfect daughter and never disappoint my parents. I don't believe I ever measured up to my first husband's expectations (weight, intelligence, or motherhood). I attained my Doctorate because I believed it might give me a "leg up" on the world of a male dominated profession (school administration). I am writing this not to collect sympathy or kind words, but because I need to admit this to myself. I think if the truth was spoken, I have had the goal of losing weight because our society values skinny people more than obese. Yet, I have written that I am trying to change my weight so that I will be more healthy.
All in all, I am not healthy in the head. I KNOW I need to put myself first and take care of myself if I hope to be able to do unto others. I know that, but I don't walk the talk. So tonight I went to the Rec and walked for 30 minutes. I walked 1.6 miles. I plan to go to bed as soon as I finish writing this post. I have been eating better than ever before in my life but I have started to add those sweet morsels too often. I need to adhere to what I know is necessary and lay off thinking about what tastes good.
I sleep but I don't think I am resting. I need to learn to say "no" when the reality is that I can't add another thing to my schedule. I encourage my staff to do that so I guess I better start modeling what I want for them. As of today, I am really going to try to start a new chapter of taking care of me. Stay tuned for what's next.


The Dash! said...

Saying no is sometimes the hardest thing in the world - as ladies like you and I can testify. Good for you for starting again with your exercise and food intake, it's one of the best things you can do for yourself.
Lovely photo of you too. You look amazing x

Sarah said...

You know, it is a great thing that you are recognizing this! No matter what age, we all need to take better care of ourselves. Keep remembering it, and it will come! Good luck.

Sara said...

You have the personal strength to do this. And you have your family and friends who love you to give you a hand up - or a push in the right direction when you need it. We've "got your back" girlfriend!

Ronda said...

I agree with "The Dash!"... saying NO is so hard for us ladies. We want to fix everything and everyone. But when we leard to say NO is it hard at first, but it feels good after a while. And great for our stress level as well!
Love the new photo you published! You look good!