So it was another one of those days to think about what I need to do. It was nice to be able to sleep in since on most days I am on the road to somewhere around 7 am. Instead I was able to take a shower and then get ready to go pamper myself. Allison and Kevin had given me a pedicure for staying an extra day so they could take advantage of gettig bumped by the airlines and earn $800 toward future tickets. I have to say I don't like getting any payment for watching over my precious grandchildren but their appreciation is very thoughtful. On my way across the yard to the car I asked Vince if he had read my blog (I don't know why I asked because I know he reads it regularly). He looked at me with that pitiful grin he has when I know he is disappointed in me and just slipped "good luck". It cut like a knife. I let the most important person in my life down. I knew that would be his reaction as I have failed so many times at this struggle. I just felt like a real scum bucket! On Wednesday, I had admitted to Cathy (my little sister because of ex-husband). Before I had the surgery she had honestly stated she was not certain I could make the band work because I really needed to change my behavior and this was not a magic fix. Well on Wednesday, she reminded me of her precautions two years ago. It seems like I just really meet everyone's expections. These are people who know me well and love me but know what I am capable or incabpable of.
Needless to say, I have shed some tears of disappointment in myself and shame for what I can't seem to do.
The pedicure was wonderful and I have pretty toes. I came home and walked on the treadmill for 30 minutes. Then I went out to my son's house and watched over D1, D2, and D3 while mom and dad had to work in the afternoon. They are so sweet and lovable. I am truly blessed to have such wonderful children and grandchildren.
For food, I had yogurt, water, salad, and about 1/2 cup leftover ground turkey casserole. That didn't go down very well. Before going to bed I had 1/3 cup pecans for a snack with some decaf coffee.
I really appreciate the comments from yesterday. Tina is right, this is like getting a PhD. I have to say that I really wasn't certain I could accomplish that either. Don't know why I don't believe the therapist when he tells me I am my own worst enemy. Caroline, I am convinced there is no secret to this but if reading and writing about it helps, then perhaps my words will assist someone in figuring it out. We are in this together. I believe you thought long and hard about the surgery, as did I. It was unkind of the snit to tell you that the band might not be for you. It is what we chose and we can make it work for us. Keep the faith and cut yourself no slack, fellow bandits. Have a blessed Easter! No chocolate across the lips.
Saturday, April 3, 2010
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Just the Facts
My dear cyber friends and those I know who read my blog cause you love me,
This post is long overdue. I have not had the guts to write what I need to write. This blog was started as a way for me to share my thoughts but most of all add a bit of real conviction to this episode of my life. How many times have I failed at this struggle with weight? How many times have I started over? How many times do I need a therapist to tell me that I am my own worst enemy? How many times do I need to tell myself I can beat this?
Well, this is the next time. I have been sitting in my car driving all over this vast prairie thinking about how I need to write this post. I have let MYSELF down one more time. I have not been exercising regularly. I have not been drinking enough water! I have not been eating three meals a day with small nutritious snacks once in a while. I have not been using my band as a tool!!!!!
Instead, I have been sitting in my car driving all over this vast prairie eating a little of this and a little of that. Spending long hours working and not making my exercise program a priority. Drinking decaf coffee instead of water. And well, just making excuses for not getting on the scale.
No, I haven't gained inches. I am not certain how I have managed to do that when I have added 36 sticks of butter back onto this 5'1" frame. It is not the fault of the band, oh no, it is my lack of ambition to take care of myself and exercise. I can not lose the pounds if I don't move my body and burn what I do eat. Yes, you read that right! Since the last time I went to see Dr. Glatt, seven months have gone by and I have gained 9 pounds. I weighted 208.1 pounds on the scale in his office last Friday. There I wrote it down for all of you to see.
I am ashamed of myself. I am disappointed in myself. I was so embarassed that it has taken me almost 7 days to get up the courage to admit this to all of you. Oh sure, I got a .5cc fill to make that band work better but I am the one who needs to work better. I have thought about writing this post and have been writing this post, keeping it as a draft until I could finally make certain I was ready to face the fact that this journey is one of the hardest I have ever traveled. BUT, today is the first day of the rest of my life. You have just the facts! No excuses because there are none to be made. No blame for anyone but me. I have to get control of what I am going to do with all of this. My actions will speak louder than my words. I guess I will start today.
I will make this promise. I am not hiding from you anymore. I will be writing regularly and you will be hearing about my progress, my temptations, and most of all my success. I am going to get to 160 pounds (now that is 48 pounds away). I will be healthy and happy for many years to come because I am going to beat this thing with the help of my family, friends, and my sweet little band.
This post is long overdue. I have not had the guts to write what I need to write. This blog was started as a way for me to share my thoughts but most of all add a bit of real conviction to this episode of my life. How many times have I failed at this struggle with weight? How many times have I started over? How many times do I need a therapist to tell me that I am my own worst enemy? How many times do I need to tell myself I can beat this?
Well, this is the next time. I have been sitting in my car driving all over this vast prairie thinking about how I need to write this post. I have let MYSELF down one more time. I have not been exercising regularly. I have not been drinking enough water! I have not been eating three meals a day with small nutritious snacks once in a while. I have not been using my band as a tool!!!!!
Instead, I have been sitting in my car driving all over this vast prairie eating a little of this and a little of that. Spending long hours working and not making my exercise program a priority. Drinking decaf coffee instead of water. And well, just making excuses for not getting on the scale.
No, I haven't gained inches. I am not certain how I have managed to do that when I have added 36 sticks of butter back onto this 5'1" frame. It is not the fault of the band, oh no, it is my lack of ambition to take care of myself and exercise. I can not lose the pounds if I don't move my body and burn what I do eat. Yes, you read that right! Since the last time I went to see Dr. Glatt, seven months have gone by and I have gained 9 pounds. I weighted 208.1 pounds on the scale in his office last Friday. There I wrote it down for all of you to see.
I am ashamed of myself. I am disappointed in myself. I was so embarassed that it has taken me almost 7 days to get up the courage to admit this to all of you. Oh sure, I got a .5cc fill to make that band work better but I am the one who needs to work better. I have thought about writing this post and have been writing this post, keeping it as a draft until I could finally make certain I was ready to face the fact that this journey is one of the hardest I have ever traveled. BUT, today is the first day of the rest of my life. You have just the facts! No excuses because there are none to be made. No blame for anyone but me. I have to get control of what I am going to do with all of this. My actions will speak louder than my words. I guess I will start today.
I will make this promise. I am not hiding from you anymore. I will be writing regularly and you will be hearing about my progress, my temptations, and most of all my success. I am going to get to 160 pounds (now that is 48 pounds away). I will be healthy and happy for many years to come because I am going to beat this thing with the help of my family, friends, and my sweet little band.
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Such a wonderful award
I was nominated for the Sunshine award by: Ronda http://thelongroadtothenewme.blogspot.com/ Ronda is a wonderful lady who really tells it like it is and makes me smile.
SUNSHINE AWARD RULES
The Sunshine Award is awarded to bloggers whose positivity and creativity inspire others in the blogging world.
Once you receive one, then you:
1. Post the logo on your blog.
2. Pass the award on to 12 fellow bloggers.
3. Link the nominees
4. Let nominees know they have won this award by commenting on their blog.
5. Share the love and link to the person you received this award from.
I would like to nominate the following bloggers in no particular order & pass on the happiness :)
Sarah http://losingweightgainingtons.blogspot.com/
Tina http://tinasweight-lossjourney.blogspot.com/
Cara http://carasquest.blogspot.com/
Helen http://reddirtwoman.blogspot.com/
Tracey http://downsizemystomach.blogspot.com/
Nola http://abbfab.wordpress.com/
Caroline http://lonicera53.blogspot.com/
Denise http://daneesey.blogspot.com/
Polly http://auntpollysporch.blogspot.com/
Sara http://mysewingroomsara.blogspot.com/
Karen http://sewmanyways.blogspot.com/
Sunday, March 7, 2010
This one's for you, little D!
It is Sunday and I have been missing my relationship with church and most importantly, my God. It was time to start a new day and a new attitude this morning plus D2 was to be given his 3 year old Bible and his love of books will be expanded if he begins to love his Bible too.
Last night, D3 and I were able to catch up as he went skiing with his family for a week and my work consumes my days most weeks. D3 and I have been best "buds" since his birth. I thank God everyday for his life and pray for him in this world. He has passed me up now and is taller. He won the school spelling bee and will go to the district spelling bee for the second year in a row. We are proud of his abilities but most of all I love his kind and gentle spirit. I work with kids his age in schools I visit and I am constantly amazed at their views of life. There is so much vulgar language, abuse, and insecurities in the lives of young people today and very few of the children I see have a wonderful set of parents like my grandboys do and grandparents who pray over them like my grandboys do. So this one's for you, little D (might have to change that nickname now that your shoulders are higher off the ground than mine). I love you dearly and I pray you life will be richly blessed by many people who believe in you and want what is very best for you. I pray you will rely on God in the good times and the times that are tough. You know he is there for you always!
I spent a few days with daughter and her boys in Minnesota. That was fun? Well I do believe we have some differences in opinon on how to do things and sometimes that causes us some stress in our relationship. Allison is very precise and confident in her decisons and actions. The problem is not her, it is that her mother is compulsive and cofident in her experience. Well, let's just say I wish I could learn to be more careful of when and how I offer advice. We did have fun and I always enjoy spending time with Z and G. They are so inquisitive and their love of music reminds me of my daddy. He would so love to hear them sing and dance. I think his talents are in their genes. I had a fun night with my daughter's friends from MOPS. I wish every young mother could have their support system and listen to their values and faith come floating into their conversations. They are truly delightful young women.
Work has been challenging with the weather. Most of you know that I travel with staff to schools around the state of South Dakota to offer technical assistance and provide coaching to teachers. It is truly an awesome responsibility and I only wish I could have had some of this professional development when I was young. I wonder why we choose to spend so much money on professional sports in our country but cannot afford to fund teachers and educational programs at the state and national level. Our state legislators are certainly between a rock and hard spot but I question the wisdom in their budgetary cuts for schools in South Dakota. They have one more week of deliberations and then the hammer will fall. It isn't going to be good.
Meanwhile, I am trying to follow my doctor's advice about keeping a balance in my life. I must exercise everyday and if you are praying soul, please ask God to compel Sylvia to do just that! The doctor says I have to take care of myself. I have always been one who can do that for others but neglect me. One would think I would learn. I am eating fairly right foods everyday. I am sleeping so much better now with my CPAP. I just need to allow 30 minutes a day in my awake time to exercise. Check out some of my quilting projects later when I update my quilting blog. I have been working and some beautiful things are coming out of my time.
It is suppose to rain tomorrow and Tuesday. Maybe spring will come to the Dakotas.
Last night, D3 and I were able to catch up as he went skiing with his family for a week and my work consumes my days most weeks. D3 and I have been best "buds" since his birth. I thank God everyday for his life and pray for him in this world. He has passed me up now and is taller. He won the school spelling bee and will go to the district spelling bee for the second year in a row. We are proud of his abilities but most of all I love his kind and gentle spirit. I work with kids his age in schools I visit and I am constantly amazed at their views of life. There is so much vulgar language, abuse, and insecurities in the lives of young people today and very few of the children I see have a wonderful set of parents like my grandboys do and grandparents who pray over them like my grandboys do. So this one's for you, little D (might have to change that nickname now that your shoulders are higher off the ground than mine). I love you dearly and I pray you life will be richly blessed by many people who believe in you and want what is very best for you. I pray you will rely on God in the good times and the times that are tough. You know he is there for you always!
I spent a few days with daughter and her boys in Minnesota. That was fun? Well I do believe we have some differences in opinon on how to do things and sometimes that causes us some stress in our relationship. Allison is very precise and confident in her decisons and actions. The problem is not her, it is that her mother is compulsive and cofident in her experience. Well, let's just say I wish I could learn to be more careful of when and how I offer advice. We did have fun and I always enjoy spending time with Z and G. They are so inquisitive and their love of music reminds me of my daddy. He would so love to hear them sing and dance. I think his talents are in their genes. I had a fun night with my daughter's friends from MOPS. I wish every young mother could have their support system and listen to their values and faith come floating into their conversations. They are truly delightful young women.
Work has been challenging with the weather. Most of you know that I travel with staff to schools around the state of South Dakota to offer technical assistance and provide coaching to teachers. It is truly an awesome responsibility and I only wish I could have had some of this professional development when I was young. I wonder why we choose to spend so much money on professional sports in our country but cannot afford to fund teachers and educational programs at the state and national level. Our state legislators are certainly between a rock and hard spot but I question the wisdom in their budgetary cuts for schools in South Dakota. They have one more week of deliberations and then the hammer will fall. It isn't going to be good.
Meanwhile, I am trying to follow my doctor's advice about keeping a balance in my life. I must exercise everyday and if you are praying soul, please ask God to compel Sylvia to do just that! The doctor says I have to take care of myself. I have always been one who can do that for others but neglect me. One would think I would learn. I am eating fairly right foods everyday. I am sleeping so much better now with my CPAP. I just need to allow 30 minutes a day in my awake time to exercise. Check out some of my quilting projects later when I update my quilting blog. I have been working and some beautiful things are coming out of my time.
It is suppose to rain tomorrow and Tuesday. Maybe spring will come to the Dakotas.
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Gracie
This is a delightful picture of our 13 year old cat. She is resting comfortably on a scarf I am making. She also seems to be examining one of the boutique burpees that I stiching. She is such a wonderful companion. Just a little spoiled.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Grants Not Blogs
It is almost midnight and I have been working on a grant but finally took a break and was reading and responding to some of my blog and bandit friends. Work is a little overwelming right now as two major grants came out last week and are due next Friday. I don't enjoy this part of my job as I get frantic when it comes to explaining my ideas and thoughts in "grantese". Oh well, it is funding and goodness knows we need that!
I have been really bad about exercising lately. I did go with Allison to a dance cardio class at Lifetime. One hour of jumping and jiving. I didn't have any trouble keeping up with the youngsters. It wouldn't have happened two years ago. I would really like to find a treadmill that I could put in the basement or upstairs and have to use when I want. It would save getting dressed, going out in the cold, and then coming home to shower as I currently do. I don't think I am making excuses. I could listen to my kind of music or watch my kind of TV while walking also. Got to find a great deal.
I just make a quick trip to Michigan to see my ex-father-in-law. He has been a part of my life since I was 13, They have started him on oxygen to assist with breathing and it seems to alleviate some of his fatigue. He will be 86 in April. Allison and the boys made his face light up and I do believe he enjoyed our visit. He is a dear man and wanted to tell him that.
The clock is striking 12 and I need to be up and at em at 7am so I believe I will sign off. Tomorrow is another writing day and I also do a workshop with high school teachers in the afternoon. This too shall pass and hopefully we will be successful in our endeavors for more work and monies.
I have been really bad about exercising lately. I did go with Allison to a dance cardio class at Lifetime. One hour of jumping and jiving. I didn't have any trouble keeping up with the youngsters. It wouldn't have happened two years ago. I would really like to find a treadmill that I could put in the basement or upstairs and have to use when I want. It would save getting dressed, going out in the cold, and then coming home to shower as I currently do. I don't think I am making excuses. I could listen to my kind of music or watch my kind of TV while walking also. Got to find a great deal.
I just make a quick trip to Michigan to see my ex-father-in-law. He has been a part of my life since I was 13, They have started him on oxygen to assist with breathing and it seems to alleviate some of his fatigue. He will be 86 in April. Allison and the boys made his face light up and I do believe he enjoyed our visit. He is a dear man and wanted to tell him that.
The clock is striking 12 and I need to be up and at em at 7am so I believe I will sign off. Tomorrow is another writing day and I also do a workshop with high school teachers in the afternoon. This too shall pass and hopefully we will be successful in our endeavors for more work and monies.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)