21 days left in autumn

I have 21 days to lose the 7.5 pounds that was my goal set in August. I will weigh in with Thomas on Tuesday the 2nd of December before I leave for 9 days on business trip. It is going to be close. I wanted to lose 43 pounds in the autumn.
For some reason, I craved chocolate today so I bought some sugar free chocolate to pack in my suitcase. I ate one piece and that was OK. I also had a latte today with sugar free white chocolate. I guess I am still normal. I hope planning ahead will benefit my goal.
It is snowing and I am listening to Christmas music. This is my favorite time of the year. I think it is for all of us born in December. I guess I will sign off and write our Christmas letter.

ANew Meaning for Fill

I am up waiting for the kids to come home and have been reading an Australian favorite blog. She suggested adding a fill-in once in awhile to our blogs. Thought I would do it.

1. My stomach can actually be sucked in again!
2. Squash is what I ate the most of today.
3. Outside today it was sunny and cold.
4. Reading a book with any one of my five grandsons is where I'd rather be at any given time.
5. The smell of warm applesauce makes me melancholy. My grandma always made it for me.
6. To know that I have lost two more pounds is what I need right now!
7. And as for the weekend, I had a great time with the Waconia family.
8. Tomorrow my plans include getting out a few Christmas decorations before I have to leave on my business trip.
9. This week I really want to maintain healthy eating and control my portion sizes while I am traveling.
10. That I am still awake at this hour is a big surprise to me right now.

Dessert has two ss

I have decided that dessert has two ss and they stand for smaller and smallest. How in the world does one make it through holidays without a bite or two of the yummies? Today I helped Allison bake some cookies and although they smelled so good, I only had one broken piece. I can see how difficult the next few weeks are going to be with everyone baking and celebrating with food. I will just have to take hold of my goal and exercise all the harder. This is not a diet, it is a life change and attitude is part of the plan.
I was reading two of my favorite blogs today and decided I should like to weigh in kilograms. It is the only way I could ever consider my weight in double figures instead of triple digits. I currently weigh 94.1 kilograms! I have lost 35 pounds now and that is how much my three year old grandson weighs. When I picked him up tonight at the fitness center I realized how much I was carrying around on my frame.

Thanksgiving

Well, this is the first holiday that focuses on food since the surgery. Actually, it is 3 months to the day since surgery. We had a wonderful dinner prepared by my daughter and her husband. We started the day by going to Lifetime Fitness and I biked for 25 minutes and walked on the treadmill for 15 minutes. Thomas boosted me to 40 minutes of exercise each time. The place was full of health conscious human beings who were anxious to start their day in a healthy way. I was careful to take small portions of each of the wonderful dishes and I then I focused on chewing each bite to mush. We ate slowly and enjoyed each other's company. It was a great meal but when I was finished I felt comfortable but full. I did enjoy some pumpkin pie filling at dinner and again tonight. It was not as bad as pecan pie would have been in the past. Allison fixed a cold salad with green beans that might not be a bad dish to add to my menu cards I need to prepare.
The next few weeks are really going to be a test of my commitment. I will be traveling, eating conference food, and responsible for my own wise choices. I really want to weight 200 pounds on or before December 31, 2008.

That Brain!

I feel so much better each day. I went for my appointment today with a Geriatric Psychiatrist! Now don't jump to any conclusions - I don't feel geriatric and he shared that he sees patients of all ages but he is a specialist in the region. He really shed some light on my depressive feelings. He brought up menopause and I was surprised that I could be having symptoms after 30 years since my surgery. He reinforced the stress of five surgeries. He also advised that bariatric surgery can have an effect on brain chemistry and that he clears all patients for gastric bypass surgery because of this. Then he shared that I would probably need to take my medication the rest of my life as the brain needs certain chemicals and some individuals have a natural imbalance. I struck out again. Seriously, I was quite relieved to hear that I was going to be back to normal in a few weeks. I was so high after the banding and I felt so good. I hope I can get back to that energy level and natural high. It helps to have so many people in my corner.

Two Weeks after Surgery

I started the day visiting with CNP Tracy and Dr. Glatt. The port is where it should be! Tracy said they actually dug a tunnel for the port and anchored it. I wasn't planning on a fill but Dr. Glatt took 2ccs out and put 4ccs in. I weighed 212.7 on their scale which is a total of 33.6 pounds in 14 weeks on hospital scales. That is an average of 2.4 pounds a week. Sorry, I didn't believe you couldn't do the math, I just need to write it so I believe it. When Dr. Glatt got ready to leave the exam room he turned and said, "I am so proud of you, Sylvia." I wonder if he knows how much that means to his patients. I stayed in Sioux Falls for the day so that I could go to the support group meeting at 7 PM. Another great experience! The session dealt with grocery shopping and it was quite good. I learned something about a high calcium diet from dairy products. High calcium suppresses the hormone calcitrol which causes fat cells to stop producing and thus burns fat. All in all it was a better day. I really enjoyed the sunshine.

It Is Saturday

I went to weigh in with Thomas yesterday and I am back down plus 1.5 pounds to 208. As close as I can figure I am averaging 1.5 pounds a week. That is very good! So when I begin to think about that I immediately jump to multiplication and start thinking that means 15 pounds in ten weeks etc. I need to concentrate on short term goals however and I remind myself that my first goal was 200 pounds by January 1, 2009. I may beat that but that was my first goal. The mind state I am in, I need to stop making new goals and then get disappointed. I am exercising at least once a day and if I get the time and feel like it, I try to get in two times. I do want to make my 750 miles by January 1, 2009 as well. This last surgery caught up with me. I have had a real emotional roller coaster of a week. Feeling really down and out of control. I go to see Dr. Glatt on Monday and I intend to talk to him about it.
On the bright side, I was able to eat a sandwich of wheat bread tonight for dinner. I ate really slowly and took very small bites. Bread hasn't been working so well so it was good that this went down and stayed down.
I have started wearing cuddle duds under my clothes for extra heat. I am so cold. Even when I exercise I wear a sweatshirt for warmth. It isn't even winter yet and I have started to chill down. It is a good thing I can knit. I have started laying a blanket over my legs at the office to keep me warmer. Guess I will need to make a lap quilt for that as well.
I watched a lot of football today and cuddled under the warm throw Allison gave us. Sorry Illinois didn't win. Kevin will be bummed.

This is no rut, it is a ditch!

I guess five surgeries is a bit too much. I sorta broke yesterday. I can't explain exactly how I feel but I know I am not in control and I am pretty anxious about things. I cry easily, am quick to anger, and just generally feel out of sorts. For those of you who know me, I hope this doesn't fit my normal behavior. I can't focus on things to get them done. Consequently, I have many unfinished items laying everywhere in my home office as well as my other office. This is not a comfortable feeling for me. What I would forgive in others, I can't forgive in me. What I would advise others, I can't apply to myself.
This is not a new problem for me. I accept others and meet them where they are. I never measure up to the level of perfection I expect. And to compound the dilemma, I don't feel I measure up to the level of behavior a certain individual very dear to me, expects. I am not regimented, organized, task-oriented, responsible, frugal, ordinary, or focused. Oh, I know those of you who know me in a professional way, would find that hard to believe. It is hard for me to always make a plan and work the plan. I tend to be an all or nothing thinker and I really can beat myself up for not doing what I think others want me to do.
So, here I am in the middle of a real breakdown. I have continued to exercise this week because that does feel good when I do it. I haven't eaten anything bad for me and am trying to make good choices, wondering if I am getting enough protein and vitamins. I just really want to get back to where I was four weeks ago. I know in my head this is a new way of thinking and acting for myself, I guess I just need to remember, behaviors don't change overnight and most importantly, I am the one responsible for the behavior change.
I don't know who said this but I need to think carefully about it. "Don't let the victories go to your head nor the failures go to your heart."

Monday Monday

It is not a blue Monday but I just believe I should end the day with some attitude adjustment. I guess the soreness on my belly is getting to me. I got up this morning and put in 25 minutes on the bike and then put 35 more minutes on the bike after dinner tonight. I must exercise twice a day. I also find myself eating some of the wrong things like a few nuts, a cookie, and then apple crisp with ice cream for dessert. I CAN NOT do that if I am going to succeed. I do believe I need to add some variety to my selection however. I tried toast with peanut butter this morning instead of yogurt. I didn't have a latte today either. I just know that what goes in must be necessary for nutrition and not for taste. That is so hard for me because I do like the taste of some foods. I think I may also have lost some personal momentum with the recent hospital visit. I really didn't need a setback or stumbling block. It seems like what I called a bump in the road, has turned into a rut. That is attitude. So as of this morning, I decided to kick this again with a vengence. Two a day biking and eating less and right! If I snack it has to be protein! That seems really simple. I am not eager for the Friday weigh in if I don't act now.

Just Like a Turkey

I feel like a juicy turkey. Yes, you noticed the weight gain. I went to the Rec this morning and couldn't resist asking Thomas to get out the trusty scale since I hadn't weighed on his scale since the Wednesday before I went to Michigan. 213 I just stood there and stared at the numbers. I should have known better. After all, it is Thursday and I had abdominal surgery on Monday. They pumped me full of fluids and when your body has had trauma and is trying to heal, it retains fluids. Yup, I know all of that but goodness, I didn't want to see the numbers go up. I biked for 25 minutes with the seat back reclined. It felt good not to jam my sore spots everytime I turned the pedal. Thomas said that was all the exercise for today, however. He is convinced I can still make my goal of 200 by December 4th. Not sure why I have thinking about turkey but I can just see the juices running out of a nicely cooked bird. Must be getting close to Thanksgiving. Oh well, eight days and we will see what results I can have. I don't need to be a juicy turkey, I need to be a leaner weiner!

Walkin Real Slowly

Vince drove me to the Rec this morning so I could walk on the treadmill. The thought of pushing pedals on my bike is more than I can handle. My tummy is so sore! I didn't get a chance to talk to Thomas much so I suggested that I walk again this afternoon. I will try to put on another mile. The slightest bounce and I really feel the soreness. I made Vince some lentil soup for lunch and he was happy. It was quite good. I think I should post the recipe as it is soft and would be a good choice for meals. I made it with V-8 juice, pepperoni, and some of our dried roma tomatoes from the garden. I think I will fix chicken and mashed potatoes for supper. I have so many projects on my work desk right now it is hard to focus. Seems like the only steady thing in my head is exercise. I have to do that twice a day.

Moving On

Vince and I returned home last night about 6pm from Sioux Falls. As usual, the people at Sanford were wonderful and other than having to wait a little longer than expected to start the surgery, it was pretty much predictable. Melanie greeted me with the same wonderful smile at the admit desk. The anethetist was the same as one of the other surgeries. And then, Denise was the same nurse I had when I was dealing with thyroid. I can't say that recognition of a surgical staff if on my list of priorities, but I can say they are an excellent team. I didn't get to see Dr. Glatt but CPN Sorensen had the same beautiful smile on her face. Essentially, Dr. Glatt explained to Vince that the tubing was acting like a spring attached to the port as it was coming up to the surface and then down to the port. He said he hadn't seen this condition before. He has done alot of bands so does it surprise you that I have to be an exception?
So. . . they moved the port off center to anchor it down. From the soreness, I think they might have used nails and a sledge hammer to do their work. I have one sore belly today. Of interest, the hospital scale showed 214 pounds which is four pounds less than the day I visited Dr. Glatt's office for the fill. I am most curious what the rec center scale will show. My stomach appears very large and I know from the pain in my shoulders the gas hasn't dissipated yet. So I am not sure I want to venture to the Rec to weigh. I slept in the chair last night as the thought of laying on my back all night in bed was not positive. Enough complaining, time to move on. Would I do the band again? Of course I would.

My New Goal

Not sure what the scale at the hospital will say tomorrow! My new motto is this: "A tenth of a ton of fat and fun and still just 61!" I want to weigh 200 pounds by December 4. If that is possible then my driver's license will be legal for the first time in 20 years. Yeah right, you think I should have admitted that I weighed well over 200 pounds on that little card that gets checked everytime you fly? I don't think so! If I needed to be identified, I would rather they would just go with the mug shot and blue eyes. Anyway, a long time ago in Muskegon there was this radio guy who always referred to himself as a tenth of a ton of fat and fun. Now granted that is NOT my end goal but I rather like the sounds of my motto. I can always change it to 142 and 62 later. In the meantime, I will shoot for 200 pounds. I have been starving all weekend what with my eating just liquids to be ready for surgery. I do recommend chicken broth and egg beaters. It makes a great egg drop soup. Loads of protein and tastes great also. I really crave warm liquids over cold. I will post tomorrow when I get home from Sioux Falls. I will have a current weight and hopefully news that the repair work was simple. Vince has my quilting frame all set up and I can hardly wait to get the machine and set up the quilter. Crafting is better than eating.